I Want More
by XX00Meg00XX
Summary: "It's just another test. Another way of proving that our love is strong and our story is just beginning."
1. Kiss Me Again

**A/N: This is a 6 chapter fic that was prompted to me on twitter. I don't want to give anything away so just know that I am a Caskett shipper, always. I had so much fun writing this and I look forward to hearing what you think. Each chapter is based off of a different episode throughout the series but the story is continuous. The italicized sections are canon. The last chapter will move to M territory.  
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**Disclaimer: The words in italics are directly from the episodes. They are not mine and I intend no copyright. I do not own Castle or anything associated with the series. I just love to write about it.**

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><p><strong>Kiss Me Again<strong>

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><p><em>They're undercover, pretending to be a drunken couple as they stumble towards the guard who's currently blocking the door to where Ryan and Espo are being held. But he's not just watching them; he's also walking towards them. "He's not buying it, Castle." This was his dumb idea, and it's clearly not working. She's about to grab her gun when he catches hold of her hand, spins her towards him and roughly attaches his lips to hers. She pulls away, momentarily stunned by what's just happened. Then she catches sight of the guard, who's still watching intently. They need to sell this if they want a chance at getting to the boys, so she leans back in and plays the part. She keeps her lips fused to his until the guard turns his back and then she knocks him out. It's no secret that both of them are breathless and her cheeks are flushed. She ignores it at the time.<em>

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><p>It's been an extremely long and stressful day. It had taken some time and a ridiculous undercover ploy to save Ryan and Espo, but they'd managed to do it. Kate Beckett will never admit it to anyone, but kissing Castle had saved the day. He had planted his lips on hers and kissed her like she was some kind of prize. He'd left her breathless and wanting and oh yes, she wants to do it again.<p>

It's been hours since it happened, hours of remembering the way his lips felt against hers and hours of thrumming with need. She's been waiting for a chance since they got back to the precinct, a perfect moment to get him alone, because she can't stop thinking about that kiss. She's not sure what he's feeling, but if his reaction in the alley was any indication, he enjoyed it too. She knows he wouldn't turn down the chance to do it again.

He volunteers to get them some food and she nods as he leaves. The boys have finished giving their statements and are being sent home. They went through hell today and she's so glad she and Castle were able to get to them in time. She's also glad that since they have the rest of the night off; it means it'll just be her and Castle when he returns. This isn't like her. She doesn't let things like this get to her, doesn't let him get to her but she's ruined now that she's tasted him.

It seems like he's gone forever and she's antsy by the time he returns, working on paper work but thinking about only one thing. His voice registers and she hadn't realized he'd already walked over to her side, She jumps and almost knocks over her coffee.

"You okay there, Beckett?"

She quickly regains her composure and stands, putting some distance between them because she doesn't trust herself to be that close to him.

"Yeah I'm fine; I just didn't hear you walk up. Let's go eat."

Her eyes remain trained on her food as they eat, and the silence stretches on until it's extremely uncomfortable. He clears his throat and she finally glances up at him.

"So, long day huh?"

She nods and glances at her father's watch. It's late, they could definitely call it a night.

"Yeah, why don't we head out, I'll come in early tomorrow and finish the paperwork."

She motions for him to wait for her as she collects her coat and he seems surprised; it's not often that they walk out together. They walk beside each other until they get to her car and she knows it's now or never and the way he's looking at her tells her it's definitely going to be now.

"Castle, I - earlier when we were undercover, that kiss, I wanted to..."

He cuts her off before she can finish and she struggles to hide her frustration. "Kate, it's okay, I know it was just undercover and it can't happen again, you don't have to tell me."

Her brows knit together as she frowns at him, "No Castle, that isn't - I was going to - I wanted to tell you that..."

A throat clears behind her and Castle's eyes lift to focus on the person who's walked up. She turns to find her boyfriend and oh shoot, she has a boyfriend what was she about to do?

"Josh, hi, what are you doing here?" She keeps her tone light; pushing down the annoyance she's feeling right now. She hasn't been dating him very long - in fact she's not really sure she should be calling him her official boyfriend yet - but still, he's here and in spite of whatever it is she's feeling for Castle right now, she likes Josh.

"I thought I'd surprise you. I know you work late nights but, I just wanted to see you and then as I was walking towards the doors I saw you standing here."

She nods and looks from Josh to Castle and back again. "Castle, this is Josh." She leaves it at that, allowing the two men to shake hands. An awkward silence to settles between the three of them.

"Well, we were just about to head out for the night so…" She's about to come up with some excuse so that maybe Josh will leave and she can have another minute with Castle, but it soon becomes all too clear that the moment is ruined. Castle starts to back away and she catches the slight disappointment in his eyes.

"I better get going; I'll see you tomorrow, Kate. Nice to meet you Josh."

She lets him go with a small smile and then turns back to Josh. He smiles and leans in to kiss her, a quick peck that's absolutely nothing like her kiss with Castle. She has to stop herself from frowning. "So, any chance I could persuade you to come have a drink with me before you head home?" Josh asks.

She finally accepts that it just isn't meant to happen with Castle right now. Josh is a nice guy and she has no reason to tell him no. Maybe the universe is trying to tell her something.

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><p>Castle and Beckett don't talk about the kiss again. They just go back to the way things were, ignoring the feelings that they both clearly have. If they have anything to learn, it's that interruptions often come at the most unwanted times.<p>

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><p><em>Thank you to Bri for her wonderful friendship and amazing beta. I couldn't have done this without her. <em>

_Thank you to Nikki and Jill for helping to bring this idea to life and for being amazing cheerleaders. _

_Hugs to all of you. xo_


	2. Solve My Mystery

**A/N: Just another reminder that the italicized sections are cannon. Thank you for the response to the last chapter, you all are awesome! Happy reading. **

**Disclaimer: The words in italics are directly from the episodes. They are not mine and I intend no copyright. I do not own Castle or anything associated with the series. I just love the write about it.**

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><p><strong>Solve My Mystery<strong>

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><p><em>"You know what I thought when I first met you?" She raises her eyebrow, waiting for his words. "That you were a mystery I was never going to solve." She stays quiet, letting him continue. "Even now, after spending all this time with you, I'm still amazed at the depths of your strength. Your heart." She gives him a small smile, a soft upturn of her lips, and then she has to look away from the truthfulness in his eyes. "And your hotness." She lifts her eyes back to his and can't stop the smirk that spreads across her face. And then she can't stop her words as they spill out. "You're not so bad yourself, Castle." His eyes widen in surprise at the openness of her words and they remain locked in a gaze that sends chills down her spine. <em>

_ She wants him, has wanted him since that undercover kiss, maybe even before that, but she'll never tell anyone, especially not him. It's the longest few minutes of her life as her head wages with her heart, she wants him, but she's not ready for a relationship with him. And that voice in her heard, that voice of reason, tells her that he will always want more, more than just pieces of her, more than she can give him. _

_ She lets her head win for now, standing as she speaks. "I should go, it's late." She thinks he's going to let her go without another word, but just as she gets to the door to her room he finds his words. "Kate?" She doesn't let the tone of his voice affect her, turning back only to say goodnight as she closes her door. _

_ She won't know for a long while, but he sits there staring at her door for several long minutes, hoping that she'll come back out. All while she stands on the other side of it, desperately wanting to wrench it back open and run into his arms and kiss him senseless. She runs her hands through her hair, knowing that the want she has for him is only going to increase. Finally she grabs the handle and pulls the door open, only to find that he's just closing his._

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><p>Disappointment weighs down on her even though she doesn't really have a right to be disappointed. She's the one who walked away from their moment on the couch. She's the one who ran into her room and hid behind her door and her stubborn walls. She retreats, accepting that this isn't the right time, but something in her snaps and she turns around. She's half way across the room when his door opens. They stand staring at one another, silent with shock.<p>

Castle recovers first, clearing his throat and looking down at the ground. "I was just going to get something to drink."

She nods and gestures towards the mini fridge. "Yeah, me too."

He closes the distance between them and then starts to walk past her to get to the fridge when she reaches out and gently grabs his hand, tugging on it until he stops. He looks at her with a slightly confused expression and she smiles, trying to reassure him and her rapidly beating heart.

"Kate, is everything okay?"

She swallows nervously and then she glances up at him. Standing so close to him makes her realize how badly she really does want him. She's tired of fighting it and she might regret it later - he might demand more from her - but she's willing to risk it.

"Castle, I know that this isn't the ideal time for this, and I'm not ready to dive into anything, but I can't stop thinking about that undercover kiss. I can't stop..."

She's cut off by the loud, shrill ring of her phone and he jumps back like he's been caught doing something he shouldn't. His annoyance with the interruption is evident and she doesn't even try to hide that she's annoyed as well.

She whispers a "sorry" to him and then runs to grab her phone, hiding her groan of disapproval when she sees that it's Josh. If she doesn't answer he'll just call again. What reason does she have not to answer? He's her boyfriend, after all, and she most certainly was not about to cheat on him. She doesn't cheat.

She answers the call and tries to keep her voice level to conceal the breathlessness from the dash across the hotel suite. "Josh, hi."

She had texted him to tell him where she was after she and Castle arrived in L.A., knowing that he would worry if she didn't. He's not a clingy boyfriend by any means, in fact she likes that he's nothing like that. He's gone a lot and it's perfect for her, lets her keep one foot out the door. He likes to showing up at her apartment to surprise her sometimes though and if she wasn't there he might worry.

"I just wanted to call and tell you goodnight, hear your voice." She can't help but smile at his sweetness. She wishes she could stop comparing him to Castle; it's really not fair to him. He's not Castle, but he is a good man and he's been good to her.

"That's sweet, I'm glad you called." She listens to him for a few more minutes, letting him tell her about his recent trip and then she bids him goodnight and hangs up. She rushes back out of the room to apologize to Castle. She can't cheat on Josh, but it still wasn't fair of her to leave Castle hanging like she did.

When she gets back out of the room his door is firmly shut again and he's nowhere to be found. She sighs. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Castle. He had to have some type of idea of what was going on, especially after she mentioned the undercover kiss. There's no doubt that he could hear her talking to Josh though, and she's sure he gave up on the moment.

She knocks on his door, wanting to give him an explanation if nothing else. He takes his time opening it and she starts to think he's going to ignore her completely but he finally pulls it open.

"Castle, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…I didn't expect…I want you to know that…"

He holds up his hand, cutting her mess of an explanation short. "It's fine, Kate. I don't need an explanation. You have a boyfriend, and I respect that, goodnight."

Before she can say anything else, form the words that she needs him to hear, he shuts the door and the moment is gone.

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><p>They don't discuss it again; in fact they seem to have an unspoken agreement to pretend that night never happened at all. He continues to fall for her, she continues to hide that she's falling for him and the interruptions continue to come.<p>

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><p><em>Once again thank you to Bri for the wonderful beta work. Her friendship has been a great addition to my life. <em>

_Thank you to Jill and Nikki for continuing to cheer this on._

_Hugs. xo_


	3. Help Me Be More

**A/N: In honor of it finally being CASTLE Monday, here is chapter three. As usual, the italicized words are canon. Thank you for all of the follows and reviews, your support is greatly appreciated. We survived the hiatus! :)**

**Disclaimer: The words in italics are directly from the episodes. They are not mine and I intend no copyright. I do not own Castle or anything associated with the series. I just love to write about it. **

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><p><strong>Help Me Be More<strong>

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><p><em> She's not proud of the fact that she's ignored him for three months. He deserves better than that. She needed to get away though, needed the solace of her dad's cabin to help her heal. It would have been too hard to involve him, too hard to be more when she was doing nothing but drowning. He probably wouldn't have pressured her, but she didn't give him a chance either way. She tries to imagine the worst-case scenario for his reaction so she won't be completely crushed if he shuts her down.<em>

_ It's not hard to find him at the bookshop where he's doing a signing for the latest Nikki Heat. She may not have called him, but he didn't stop writing. There's a cocktail of shock and hurt in his eyes when his head snaps up after, "Kate, you can make it out to Kate." Her heart flip-flops in her chest at the sight of him, but the look on his face tells her he's anything but happy to see her. She waits outside the bookstore, hoping to persuade him into having a real conversation. It seems like hours and minutes all at the same time before he's there and brushing past her as if she doesn't exist. _

_ "Castle, wait."_

_He keeps walking as he speaks, "I did. Three months, you never called."_

_She trails after him, trying to keep up. "Look, I know you're angry." She doesn't even get to finish the word angry before he's speaking again. _

"_You're damn right I'm angry. I watched you die in that ambulance, did you know that?"_

_Her eyes widen at the tone of his voice, but he doesn't stop. "Do you know what that's like? Watching the life drain out of someone you - someone you care about." She doesn't miss the pause in his sentence and for a split second she wants to beg him to say the words again. _

"_I told you I needed some time."_

_He doesn't waste a beat. "You said a few days."_

"_Well, I needed more."_

"_You should have said that", he bites, turning to walk away from her again. _

_She follows him. "Castle, look - I couldn't call you, okay? Not without dragging myself back in to everything I was just trying to get away from. I needed some time to just work through everything."_

_She should expect what he says next; after all it's no secret that they hadn't quite liked each other. "Did Josh help you with that?"_

_She shakes her head slightly before answering. "We broke up." And then she turns to walk away from him, silently praying that he will follow her. _

_He does. _

_It's awkward at first, strained conversation and short answers, until finally he asks the question she knows he's been dying to ask. "So why'd you guys break up?"_

_She gives him the truth because he deserves it. "I really, really liked him." And she doesn't miss his slight eye roll. "But that wasn't enough." That catches his attention and he glances at her before looking ahead again._

"_After my mother was killed, something inside me changed. It's like I built up this wall inside. I don't know I guess I just didn't want to hurt like that again. I know I'm not going to be able to be the kind of person that I want to be, I know I'm not gonna…" She pauses and he looks at her again, waiting for more. "I'm not gonna be able to have the kind of relationship that I want until that wall comes down. And it's not gonna happen until I put this thing to rest."_

_She waits for him to process what she's just said. It takes him a minute, but he finally responds._

"_Well then, I suppose we're just going to have to find these guys and take them down."_

_She smiles at him and he seems to remember why they are having this conversation in the first place. "It doesn't mean I'm not still mad," he warns._

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><p>She stands from her swing and moves so that she's facing him, kneeling down in front of him so that they're level. Without hesitation she reaches out and places her left hand on his knee.<p>

"Castle, listen. I'm extremely sorry for shutting you out. I realize that it was selfish to not consider how you would feel about it. I should have at least sent you a text to let you know I was doing okay."

He nods, but doesn't say anything.

"I know that you care about me and I care about you too. I know I haven't really shown that, but I want to make it right. Please forgive me and come back to the precinct. We can figure out how to get Gates to let you back in.

He laughs then and it's like music to her ears. "I only let her kick me out because there was no reason to be there."

She laughs too, silently cheering to hear that he wanted to be there with her.

He senses that she has more to say, so he nods gently for her to continue. "Castle, I don't want to hide behind my walls. I don't want to ignore my feelings, I want to be more than what I am and … I want you to help me do that. I don't want to shut you out anymore."

He looks so heart-breakingly hopeful. She flashes him a smile to make sure he knows she's serious about this. She stands and he does the same, stepping closer to her so that they're only a few inches apart.

She's still not ready to dive in to a relationship, mainly because she hasn't healed completely and, like she already told him, she isn't the person she wants to be. He deserves to know how she feels though - that she's in love with him too and that if he's willing to wait for her then she'll do her best to be the person that he deserves.

She reaches for his hand and laces her fingers with his, "Castle...I…"

She really should be used to this by now, being cut off when she's about to tell Castle she has feelings for him. But someone is calling her name from across the park.

She looks over her shoulder to see Josh approaching.

Kate cringes. Seriously? Now?

"Kate," Josh pants. "I've been trying to get a hold of you for weeks. I wanted to check on you, I heard you were back and I thought maybe we could get together or something."

Josh flashes Castle a territorial look. He drops her hand and takes a step back and she aches for the lost warmth.

"Josh, I told you that I can't be in a relationship right now. I haven't changed my mind."

He looks first at her and then at Castle before replying, "Well it looked as if you and Writer-boy were awfully chummy when I first walked up."

Castle answers before she can think of something to say. "There's nothing going on between Kate and I. We're just friends and partners. Not that it would be any of your business anyway."

Josh rolls his eyes and opens his mouth to retort but stops short when Kate clears her throat. "Look Josh, we have somewhere to be."

Josh doesn't say anything else to them, just turns and walks away. Once again, her moment with Castle is ruined. She wants to scream at the universe. Castle stays silent for a moment and then he starts to walk, motioning for her to join him. "Shall we go and persuade Gates to let me come back?" She nods and laughs, doing her best to hide her feeling of disappointment.

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><p>He continues to help her work on solving her mother's case, standing by her side and being her support system. She falls more in love with him every day as she works on letting her walls down. She waits for the next opportunity to present itself, the right time to tell him how she feels, but each time it does, something else gets in the way.<p>

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><p><em>Thank you to, Bri for the brilliant insights on this story. <em>

_Thank you to my cheerleaders who continue to inspire me. _

_Hugs, xo_


	4. Listen To Me

**A/N: And on to chapter 4. Hope everyone survived last nights premier. I have a one-shot post ep in the works. As always thank you for reading, following, and reviewing. I appreciate each and every one of you. Happy reading. Only 2 more left after this one. :)**

**Disclaimer: The words in italics are directly from the episode. They are not mine and I intend no copyright. I do not own Castle or anything associated with the show. I just love to write about it.**

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><p><strong>Listen to Me<strong>

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><p><em> She turns down Colin's invitation for a drink. He's a good looking man and he's enticingly charming, but he's not Castle. She's been waiting all day for this moment, for the chance to see what's really going on with her partner and then to follow Lanie's advice and finally tell Castle how she feels. He finishes up his phone call and walks over to where she is standing. <em>

"_Where's Scotland Yard off to?"_

"_He's going back to London. Um Castle? Do you have a second? Can we talk?"_

_He's quick with his answer, doesn't even take a second to consider her request. "Actually I don't, Jacinda has the Ferrari double parked in a loading zone." And then he turns and starts walking away from her, only turning back when he hears her wounded exclamation._

"_Wow. Four dates in three days. You like her?"_

"_Yeah, why?"_

_She contemplates her answer for a brief moment. "She just - she doesn't seem like your type." _

_He breaks their eye contact momentarily. "Well, she's fun and uncomplicated, and that's what my life needs right now." And then he's walking away from her again, letting the blow of his words sink in._

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><p>She lets him get all of three steps towards the elevator before she calls him out. She's tired of doing this, whatever <em>this<em> is; it needs to end, now. "Castle, this can't wait any longer, I need to talk to you. Call Jacinda and tell her that something's come up, I promise you can run right back to her when we're finished, but this conversation needs to happen."

He looks surprised, like he never expected this from her, but he nods and holds up his phone. "Fine, let me call her, then we can talk."

She migrates back towards her desk to collect her things and give him time to make the call. She doesn't even try to listen to the excuse he gives Jacinda; frankly, she doesn't care.

He ends the call and starts back towards her desk, but she motions towards the elevator and he follows her. "It's been a long day and I could really use a drink, so do you mind if we talk at The Old Haunt?"

After the events of the last few weeks, he's more than happy to have whatever this conversation is going to be over drinks. Even better if it's at his bar. He nods his answer and follows her out to her car. As much as he'd like to drive, he let Jacinda take his car, so he really doesn't have any other option but to ride with her - unless he wants to take a cab, which he's pretty sure Kate's not going to allow.

The ride to The Old Haunt is quiet and uncomfortable and he doesn't remember it ever being this awkward to be in her presence. They arrive and find a table in the very back of the bar, close to Castle's office. It's busy in the pub, but not so loud that they can't have a serious conversation, so they settle in to the booth.

She clears her throat and looks down at her hands, trying to form the words she wants to say to him. Finally, she lifts her head to look at him and sees uncertainty swimming in his blue orbs.

"Castle, look, I don't know what happened to us but…"

His words bite as they cut her off. "Us? Beckett, I'm not sure what world you've been living in, but there is no _us_ and you've made that very clear."

She has to physically stop her mouth from dropping open. "Okay then, let me re-word it. I don't know why things have become so distant between us; I thought we were getting closer."

He makes some kind of snorting sound and it's just so unlike him to be this rude. It's hard for her to witness. "Yeah, I thought so too," he says, before motioning for the bartender to bring them a round of drinks.

She waits for the drinks to come and then tries again, hoping that the alcohol will help this mess of a conversation along. He's ordered scotch for both of them, and given the circumstances, she's more than happy with his choice. "Castle, can you just listen to me for a second, please?"

He nods as he swirls his drink, focusing on the ice as it melts.

"I don't like the way things are now," she says. "I need to tell you something and I need you to let me get it all out before you say anything, okay?"

He doesn't look up at her, but he does stand up and she thinks for a minute he's going to leave.

"Fine, I'll let you say what you need to say, but let me get another round of drinks first. I have a feeling we're going to - need them."

He crosses the room and catches the bartender's attention, keeping his back to her as he waits.

She's so focused on watching Castle, and hoping that he'll turn around - that she misses the person who walks up to their booth. In fact, she doesn't even see him sit down across from her. It's his voice that finally grabs her attention.

"Kate. I didn't expect to see you here tonight."

She startles as she whips her head towards the stranger who's now occupying Castle's seat.

"You have got to be kidding me. What the hell are you doing here, Josh?"

He smirks at her reaction and then looks across the room to where her focus was only seconds ago. "So, you and Writer-Boy, huh? Finally gave in to him?"

She scoffs, hating the tone that he's using. "For your information, Castle owns this bar, and we came for a drink after work."

"Oh, I see. So he hasn't worked his ridiculous charm on you yet. Means I might still have a chance."

She can't stop the little laugh that slips out of her mouth. "No. Sorry, Josh. That ship has sailed."

"Come on Kate, things are different now. You never know what could happen if we try again."

She's about to tell him that there is only one man she's interested in when she hears Caste's very loud approach to the table. He's clearly angry, and if the way he slams their drinks down is any indication, this isn't going to go well.

"Castle -" Kate starts, but he ignores her and turns to glare at Josh before looking back at her. "Wow, Beckett. When you said you had something to tell me, I honestly thought it was going to be something good for once."

She frowns and crosses her arms. "What do you mean?"

"You asked me to come get a drink with you so that you could tell me you're back with your ex?" He throws another heated glance at Josh and then looks back at her. "And then you invite him here so that you can flaunt it in my face? That's pretty low don't you think?"

She stutters over her words, trying to figure out how this escalated out of control so quickly. He doesn't give her a chance to fix it though.

"You can save whatever explanations you're trying to come up with, I think this is pretty self-explanatory."

He turns to walk away from the table, intent on getting as far away from this moment as he can, but Josh just can't leave it alone.

"Hey Castle, sorry it didn't work out for ya. I guess the saying is true, the better man always wins."

She doesn't even get a chance to tell Josh to shut up, or to tell Castle that he's wrong about everything he thinks is going on. Castle is back at the table in an instant and then his fist is connecting with Josh's jaw and the entire world around them seems to stop.

Josh makes no move to retaliate as he cradles his injured jaw in his hand.

Castle recovers more quickly than either of them. He seems to be focused on completely ignoring Kate as he leans in towards Josh. "This is my bar and I would throw you the hell out of here, but I'll just save myself the trouble and leave."

He turns back to Kate and practically spits his words at her. "If your goal was to end our partnership for good, you've achieved it. I'm done."

He leaves without another glance and her heart can't take much more. She glares at Josh before standing to leave as well. "I don't know what kind of stunt you're trying to pull, Josh, but that was completely uncalled for." She doesn't give him a chance to answer.

She's not sure why Josh always seems to be around when she's trying to tell Castle how she feels, but she's tired of it.

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><p>She gives Castle a few days to cool down before showing up at his door one evening after work. She lucks out and catches him there alone. Although he seems reluctant, he lets her in. It takes some persuading, but he finally listens to her explanation and believes her when she says that she isn't back with Josh. She doesn't press the conversation further than that, happy to at least have him back as her partner. When the time is right, hopefully he will be more than that.<p>

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><p><em>Thank you to Bri for her loveliness and her friendship. She makes my words sound good. <em>

_Thank you to my cheerleaders. _

_Hugs, xo._


	5. Let Me Love You

**A/N: Only one more after this one. I may post it later today. Thanks for sticking with me and following and reviewing. **

**Disclaimer: The words in italics are directly from the episodes. They are not mine and I intend no copyright. I do not own Castle or anything associated with the series. I just love to write about it.**

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><p><strong>Let Me Love You<strong>

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><p><em> She gave him her words, the words she's been feeling for a long time now. Three words that she's been holding in for far too long, but couldn't find the courage to say. She gave them to him while standing on a bomb, expecting to be blown to pieces at any second. She thought it was going to be the last time she saw him, and she didn't want to leave the words unsaid, didn't want to die without him ever knowing. He came back for her though. She told him she loved him and he obeyed her request to leave, but he came back. <em>

_ Castle diffuses the bomb seconds before it's about to go off, a close call that could have essentially ended both of their lives. He was willing to die with her and that means everything to her. She'll never forget what it felt like to step off that bomb after hours of standing still. She'll never forget what it felt like to step in-to arms that she thought she'd never feel again. He holds her up; just like he did the entire time she was standing there, only now he's _really_ holding her._

_She's exhausted and her legs feel like jelly and more than anything she wants him to scoop her into his arms and carry her far away from this place. She's not usually this needy or clingy, but near death experiences will do that to you. They walk hand in hand out of the apartment building and she halts him once they get outside, desperate to have a moment alone with him. _

"_Castle, listen." She turns to face him once he stops walking. "Thank you for staying with me."_

_He smiles and it warms her entire heart. "Always."_

_She's wanted to plant her lips on his for hours now, to kiss him senseless. All that talk of who liked who first had only confirmed how much she really does want him, now and forever. Just as she's about to connect her lips to his, ready to melt into the kiss, she hears the loud ring of a siren. They jerk apart as their boss and co-workers get out of the car that pulls up. They hug the boys and even get a thank you from Captain Gates. _

_They trade a few awkward words and the tension in the air is so heavy that Gates rolls her eyes and tells them that she already knows about their relationship. She grants them permission to continue what they were doing before she arrived, agreeing that Castle deserves it. _

_Finally, Kate gets to focus on the man she loves. She tells him what she was thinking while she was counting down the minutes of her life. "Castle, when I was standing up there, I kept thinking about all the times we've kissed, and I was trying to decide on the best one."_

_He smiles as he steps in closer to her. "And what do you think?"_

_She closes her eyes, thinking momentarily about all of their kisses before looking up at him. "I think we're just getting started." He wastes no time in closing the distance between them and capturing her lips in a sweet kiss. It's instantly her favorite one because of all the meaning it holds._

* * *

><p>By the time they make it back to the precinct and give their statements, she's running on fumes and her body is protesting. Castle has been the perfect gentleman, helping her with anything she needs. His hand remains in contact with her body at all times and he even sneaks in a few hugs when he knows she needs them. Gates lets the extra contact between them slide, given the circumstances of the day. They finally finish things up and Gates orders them to go home and take the next few days off. Under normal circumstances, Kate wouldn't take the time offered, but there is nothing normal about this day and truthfully, she just wants the time with Castle.<p>

They remain professional until they get to the elevator and then Castle can't take it anymore. As the doors slide close and she starts to sink against him, he reaches a hand under her legs and lifts her into his arms. She wants to cry, both at the instant physical relief and her partner's thoughtfulness.

They decide to stay at her apartment for the night; they need the time alone now more than ever. She's desperate to reaffirm everything she feels for him. She needs him on her, over her, in her and any other way she can have him. He keeps her in his arms as he walks them out to her car. He's trying to figure out how to open the car door while carrying her.

She lets out a giggle when he furrows his brows, determined not to set her down. Suddenly the weight of the day hits her, the giggle turning into a sob that she's unable to stop. She came so close to dying today, so close to losing her chance at a future with him. His concern is immediately evident and he straightens back up as he leans against the car with her.

"Castle, I'm so sorry that I never said it before, it was selfish of me. I do love you, so much."

He holds her closer to him and she grips his shirt, never wanting to let him go.

"I love you too, Kate. As soon as we get to your place, I'll show you just how much."

She helps him get her door open and he carefully places her in the car. It may be the first and only time she lets him drive her car, but right now she doesn't really care.

Outside her apartment, he carefully maneuvers her car into its parking spot, then comes around to her side to help her out. He offers to carry her again but she politely declines, because she wants to make sure he doesn't strain anything. She has plans for him.

Five minutes later they're inside her apartment, her coat is on the floor, and her shirt is partially unbuttoned. His coat and shirt are both on the floor beside hers. He has her pinned up against the wall, her legs carefully wrapped around his waist. His hands are under her thighs, supporting her weight so that there's no strain on her legs.

He keeps trying to trail his lips down the column of her throat, but she only lets them leave her own lips for seconds before she's pulling them back to hers. He finally pulls back from her so that he can catch his breath and slightly shift their weight.

"Kate, I'm so glad that you're okay - I don't ever want to lose you."

She runs her hand softly through his hair before cupping his cheek in her right hand. "You didn't lose me babe, you saved me. I'm here and I don't plan on going anywhere."

He leans in again; capturing her lips in a chaste kiss and she rolls her hips into is, smirking at the groan that escapes into her mouth. "Why don't we move this to the bedroom so that we can confirm just how alive we both are?" she purrs. "Now that I've told you I love you, I want to see how many times I can say it while we make love."

He takes all of two steps towards the bedroom when a knock sounds at her door. Neither of them even bother to hide their sighs of frustrated disappointment as Castle drops Kate gingerly to the floor. She buttons up her shirt while he quickly pulls his shirt back on. He scoops their coats off the floor and throws them on a nearby chair as she opens the door.

Oh. No.

"Um Josh, what are you doing here?"

Josh takes her question as an invite to come in and Castle narrows his eyes.

"I saw the news earlier and I heard the reports," Josh says. "You were standing on a bomb for hours, Kate. I figured you're stubborn enough to refuse a medical examination, so I came to check on you. Are you feeling okay?"

Castle rolls his eyes and moves so that he's standing directly beside Kate. He may not have had any claim on her the other times Josh has been around, but he does now.

To Castle's surprise, she wraps her arm around his waist and presses herself into his side. "I'm fine, Josh. Castle was with me all day – in fact, he saved my life. He's also staying here with me tonight so I think he can handle taking care of me."

The way she accentuates her syllables makes it pretty obvious just what "taking care of" means. Josh's eyes widen as he looks back and forth between the two of them, then he frowns.

"There was a time when I was pretty good at 'taking care' of her. I never heard her complaining, anyway. Like that time you almost got her frozen to death? Yeah, I thoroughly warmed her up after that." Josh snickers, knowing his words will get to Castle.

Kate tightens her arm around her partner's waist and glares at Josh. "You have got to be kidding me. You don't get to do this, Josh. You don't get to come to my apartment and then act like a complete jackass."

Castle kisses the top of her head and then steps away from her side. She's shocked at the self-control he's exuding. He walks to the door, opens it, and turns back towards Josh.

"I believe the lady asked you to leave."

Josh laughs, but doesn't move from his spot. "I didn't hear her ask me to leave at all; in fact I think she's having some rather juicy flashbacks. Maybe she's wishing you'd get lost so that she and I can re-enact them."

Kate snorts and crosses her arms as she backs further away from Josh. "The only person I will be reenacting anything with is Castle. You need to leave, now."

He finally walks towards the door, but as he's leaving he turns back and leans in close to Castle. "That punch you gave me all those months ago probably felt good huh? I bet it didn't make you feel as good as I used to make Kate feel though. Tell me, how many times can you make her scream using just your…"

Castle's had enough. He uses every bit of force he can to slam the door in Josh's face. It's the only thing that keeps him from completely snapping on Josh. He leans his head against the door, keeping his back turned to Kate for a few moments. She lightly runs her hand down his back, sighing as she turns towards her bedroom. She desperately needs to get off her feet and give her legs a break. She hopes he will follow her.

He follows a few minutes later, but doesn't say anything. He even ignores her when she undresses in front of him and climbs into bed wearing only a loose fitting t-shirt. Normally he'd be all over her, but she knows before she even asks that any chance of intimacy tonight is ruined.

"Castle, please talk to me."

He sheds his clothing and climbs into the bed wearing nothing but his boxers. "I'm sorry, Kate. This isn't your fault but I can't stand that man. He had no right to come in here and talk like that. It was extremely disrespectful, especially to you."

She moves closer to him, reaching out to touch his arm. "I know. I'm so sorry that you had to hear all of that."

"I would never speak to you or about you like that, I promise you that, Kate."

She turns his face towards hers, leaving her hand on his cheek. "You don't have to tell me that because I already know. Please don't let him get to you."

She leans in to kiss him and he lets her for a second before he pulls away from her. "I'm sorry, Kate. I love you, but that's all I can give you right now. If I touch you I'm only going to be able to focus on the things he said. He killed the mood."

"Castle, please."

For a minute she thinks he might give in, but then he shakes his head and closes his eyes. "I hate this. Obviously I didn't think you were a virgin when we got together, but I didn't care to picture you with him. Now I have all of these images of him," Castle waves his hands dejectedly, "in here - with you - and I don't like it. I don't ever want another man to touch you again."

"No other man will ever touch me again, Castle. No man but you. You're all I want."

Castle rolls over and turns his back to her. She huffs as she turns off the light and lies down, but she can't really blame him. She remembers what she felt like when the bikini-clad Kristina Coterra shoved her boobs in Castle's face. It took weeks to scrub that image from her head.

* * *

><p>He only manages to stay away from her for about an hour that night, eventually rolling over and wrapping his arms around her. However, it's several days before he's able to make love to her again.<p>

* * *

><p><em>Bri, your friendship and your beta mean everything to me.<br>_

_Thank you to my cheerleaders. _

_Hugs, xo._


	6. Never Without You

**A/N: And finally we come to the last chapter. If you're still with me, this one is for you. Please note the rating does go to M in this one. **

**A huge thank you to the haters and frustrated guest reviewers. You were the inspiration for this story and therefore it has served its purpose. In other words, haters gonna hate. People are predictable if nothing else. To the guest who said that I write more drama than Marlowe himself, thank you. That was the goal of this fic. The actual prompt that was given to me will be at the bottom of the page. Thanks for all of the reviews, follows, favorites and encouragements. Happy reading! :) **

**Disclaimer: The words in italics are directly from the episodes. They are not mine and I intend no copyright. I do not own Castle or anything associated with the series. I just love to write about it.**

* * *

><p><strong>Never Without You<strong>

* * *

><p><em>"I found the tape. I found it. It's over." <em>

_Speaking those words to Senator Bracken as she interrupts his press conference is quite possibly the most rewarding things she's ever done. The look on his face as she walks into the room as a free woman is priceless. Only a few hours ago he was facing her in that seedy hotel room, expecting her name to show up on the news later that night. He thought he would get away with making it look like she committed suicide. He thought wrong. _

_ "Senator William Bracken, you are under arrest for conspiracy to commit murder, fraud, and the murder of my mother, Johanna Beckett."_

_She's been waiting years to say those words, years to finally put the man that killed her mother in handcuffs. As she snaps them closed, justice is officially served. _

_She escorts him to the police car, surrounded by other officers and the public, all of them finally aware of who he really is. _

_Castle waits for her on the sidewalk, right by her side like he's always been. He knew this was her moment, and although he's been a major part of this, he knew the take down was hers. _

_She lets Ryan and Espo put Bracken in the car, and she watches as they take him away. Finally, she turns her attention to Castle, who's watching her with nothing but pride. _

"_She's proud of you. Wherever she is, she's proud." His words are laced with the happiness he's currently feeling and she smiles at him. She closes the distance between them. _

"_I never could have done this without you," she says as she wraps her arms around him. He holds her tightly and she closes her eyes, breathing in all that he is and has been to her._

* * *

><p>She holds on to Castle's hand for the entire drive back to the precinct. She needs the anchor that he provides. She finishes her paperwork in record time, serving as more proof that this day has been long awaited. He hovers close by all day, never letting her out of his sight.<p>

Finally, she hands her completed paperwork to Gates who in turn gives her the next day off. She's more than happy to oblige. "Let's get the hell out of here." She flashes Castle her million-dollar smile as she takes his hand and they walk towards the elevator, ready to go celebrate.

They exit the building and walk towards her car, neither of them speaking as the sexual tension begins to build. They almost break out into a run at the thought of getting to the privacy of their bedroom. They've just rounded the corner on the building when Castle can't stand it anymore and he pulls her to a stop before slowly backing her up against the wall.

His lips have only just connected with hers when they hear a throat clear somewhere to the right of them. Castle groans his disappointment and pulls away from her so that they can turn their heads towards the interruption.

"Fuck, this is getting ridiculous," he mutters as he steps fully away from Kate.

She rolls her eyes, reaching for Castle's hand before turning towards the person who interrupted them. Doctor Motorcycle Boy, to be precise.

"Josh?" She spits his name out exasperatedly. "What do you want?"

"I saw on the news that you finally caught your mother's killer. I wanted to come and congratulate you. I almost missed you, but I saw you guys walking out."

Castle turns his head away, his grumble of "Yeah, unfortunately," not missing Kate's ears.

Kate smirks as she steps closer to her partner. "Well, thanks Josh, but you didn't have to come all this way."

Josh clears his throat before speaking again. "Actually, I did. I remember when you broke up with me, you said it was because you wanted to be more. You said you couldn't be that until you put this case to rest. You've done that now, so?"

Her eyes widen when she realizes why he's really shown up there. "Listen, I don't know why this is so hard for you to understand, but I'm with Castle now. We're engaged, getting married. There is no other man for me than him."

Josh steps closer, his mouth opening to reply, but Castle has had enough. He's tired of these interruptions and he's tired of this man continuously trying to stake claim on Kate.

He pushes her back against the wall and before she can say anything, he crushes his lips to hers. He ravishes her mouth, his tongue seeking and gaining access inside. She's letting out these soft little moans and he loves it.

Josh clears his throat again and Castle stops kissing her for only a second as he turns towards the man. "In case that wasn't enough proof for you, let me make this very clear. Kate is mine. She's always been mine. Even when you were together, her heart was mine. She doesn't want you now and she will never want you again. Get the hell out of here."

Castle doesn't wait for a reply before he turns back to Kate, leaning in to capture her lips again. The longer he kisses her the closer they get, until his leg is wedged between hers and she's rocking against him with urgency. He finally pulls away from her and looks around to find that Josh is gone. He smirks at her and grabs her hand as he tugs her towards the car. "Think he finally got the picture?"

She laughs as she climbs into the car. "I would hope so. Especially after the way you kissed me back there. Marking your territory were you?"

He growls at her as he latches his seatbelt and it sends sparks straight to her core.

She makes it to the loft faster than she ever has. They're a mess of tangled limbs as they ride the elevator up to their floor and he nearly drops the key as he fumbles to get the door open.

She smirks once they're inside, the quietness of the loft telling them that they have the place to themselves. They leave a trail of clothes behind them as make their way towards the bedroom. By the time they reach the bed, only their undergarments remain.

He reaches for her, sliding his tongue into her mouth as he backs her onto the bed, crawling on top of her as she scoots towards the headboard. He leaves her mouth in favor of her neck as he trails hot open-mouthed kisses down the side of it. He reaches behind her with one hand, releasing the clasp of her bra and sliding the lacy garment away from her body.

She cries out when he takes a hardened nipple into his mouth, laving it with his tongue. He lets go of the tender peak with a soft pop and moves his attention to the other one. She threads her fingers through the soft hairs at the nape of his neck, holding him to her body. She writhes beneath him until she's had all the teasing she can take and then she reaches for him, guiding him back up her body.

She kisses him hungrily as she reaches for the waistline of his boxers, shoving them down his legs as far as she can reach. He kicks them off and reaches for her panties, pulling them down her long legs and flinging them to the floor. She spreads her legs as he settles between them, moaning when his erection brushes against her inner thigh.

He trails a hand down her body, leaving a trail of goose bumps in their wake. Her hips buck off the bed when he runs a finger through her drenched folds, pressing against her clit in the way he knows she loves. "Castle, stop teasing. I want you. Now." She reaches for his hand, pulling it away from her sensitive nub and bringing it up to her mouth, softly sucking his fingers clean.

"God, it's so hot when you do that, Kate," he says as he lines himself up with her entrance. She wraps her legs around him, pressing him into her and he complies as he slides the rest of the way into her grasping heat. Their mutual moans fill the room as he sets up a punishing rhythm, sliding in and out, filling her completely. It's not long before they're both racing towards the finish and she pulls him closer, leaving no space between their sweat-soaked bodies. "Kate, are you close?" His pace is starting to increase as his release nears and she moans when he hits that perfect spot inside of her. "Yes, I'm close, touch me, please."

He moves his hand to the place where they are joined, pressing his thumb against her clit and rubbing circles over it. She cries out and tightens around him seconds before she comes, _hard_. Her clenching muscles are all it takes to send him over the edge as well and he calls out her name as he spills inside her.

He rolls onto his back and pulls her with him. They take a few moments to catch their breath, basking in the afterglow of their love-making. He wraps his arm around her body and pulls her closer as he reaches for the sheet and slides it over their rapidly cooling bodies.

"I love you so much, Kate. I am so proud of the woman that you are. Your strength never ceases to amaze me."

She smiles and places a kiss on his chest. "I wouldn't be the person that I am without you, Rick. You're so much a part of who I am and I'm so lucky to have you. I can't wait to marry you."

He wraps his other arm around her, holding her close. "I can't wait to marry you either, babe." He's quiet for a minute and she thinks he might have fallen asleep until he clears his throat. "Kate, can I ask you something?"

"Of course," she says as she lifts her head to look at him.

"All those times that Josh interrupted us, you were going to tell me how you felt, weren't you?"

She smiles at him and nods. "Yes. So many times I wanted to tell you. I wasn't ready for this back then, but I wanted you to know I had feelings. I wanted you to think that I was worth waiting for."

"Oh but Kate, you were always worth waiting for. Always."

She brushes away a tear as it slides down her cheek. "None of the interruptions ever mattered, Rick. Even back then, I loved you. It was never about anyone taking your place; it was about waiting for the right time. We ended up here, together, and that's all that matters to me. The best part about it is, there will be no more interruptions, because you're mine and I'm yours."

He rolls her onto her back as he kisses her, pouring everything he feels for her into the kiss. He doesn't miss her whimper of protest as he leaves her mouth and starts a journey of kisses down her body, taking the sheet with him as he goes.

He stops momentarily to kiss each of her breasts and the fading scar between them. "We beat The Dragon, Kate. You're safe now and they're never going to take you away from me."

"No one will ever take me away from you, Castle. Ever. You're my one and done and I love you with all of my heart."

He smiles as he continues his path down her body, settling between her legs. He uses his hands to nudge her thighs apart. She looks down at him, shivering with anticipation.

"We're about to see just how many times I can make you scream using just my tongue. You up for it?"

Her answering moan tells him all he needs to know as he leans in and presses his tongue against her clit. She fists one hand around the sheet and the other in his hair as he works her like a fine-tuned instrument.

She loses count at around the eighth scream, collapsing into the mattress as her one and done brings her fireworks of pleasure, over and over again.

* * *

><p><em>The actual prompt was: The five times that Josh interrupted a real or possible Caskett moment and the one time he didn't. <em>

_I had a blast writing this and my cheerleaders were the best!_

_Thank you so much to Bri, her friendship and beta was everything I could ever ask for. _

_Hugs, xo._


End file.
